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固執

会社を辞める。

ついにそう決断して、上司に報告。
それが1月末ぐらいだろうか。

誰一人として相談することなく自分で決めた。
理由は特に自分でもわからない。
ただこのまま今の会社にいると駄目になるような気がした。

今の仕事は全然楽だし、それなりな人間関係だし、
このままいても十分に幸せな生活を送れるだろう。

しかしつまらなすぎる。
やりがいがない。
もっと充実感のある仕事がしたい。

そんなありきたりなくだらない理由だろうか。
他にもいろいろある気がするが、考えるのも面倒くさい。


両親にはずっと言えなかった。

まぁ間違いなく反対されるだろうと思い、
相談しても意味ないなぁなんて、
今考えるとありえないが、そう思っていた。

そして先週。
ついに両親に打ち明けた。

母は、自分で決めたことならいいんじゃないと言ったが、
父は、それから一言も言葉を発することはなかった。

父は自分が大学を出ていないことで、
社会に出てから相当苦労したようだ。
だから自分が幼いときからいい大学、いい企業へと就職させるために
必死で働いてここまで育ててくれた。

今の会社に就職が決まったときに一番喜んでくれたのも父だった。

そう考えるとなんかがでてきた。


それから家族で何回か話し合った。

母は自分が曖昧な理由で辞めるということを知ると、かなり激怒した。
世の中が甘くないということ、せっかくいい企業に入れたのだからと
これでもかというほど言われ、罵倒された。

父はそれなりに理解してくれようとしてくれた。


自分が辞めると決断したことが正しかったかどうか。
それは今もわからない。

ただあまり後悔ってのをすることのない自分だが、
今回は早く両親に相談するべきだったと後悔した。

両親はもちろん、いろんな人の考えを聞くべきだった。
そもそも相談なんてあんましたことがなかったな。
基本的にいつも一人で考え、一人で結論をだして。
つい自分の考えが正しいと固執してしまいがちな自分だが、
今回あらためて他人の意見を聞くことの大切さを思い知らされた。

結局、次の職を決めてから辞めるという結論になったが、
まだまったく何をやろうかなんて思いつかない。
これについてはまたあらためてじっくり考えよう。


ただ今回、それからいろんな人に相談したが、
自分のことを思ってくれて、
一緒に考え、一緒に悩んでくれる両親友人
こころからありがとう

|

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Comments

はじめまして。先週このブログを拝見して毎日カテゴリーを変えては読ませて頂きました。お仕事を辞める。とても難しい決断ですね。実は私は今まで一度も正社員への決断が出来なかったので逆に、歩んできた道を辞める決断の重みが必要な自分がいます。企業への固執、親からの期待への固執。まだ毎日大変な時だと重いますが、今やれていることを大切にゆっくりがんばってください。

Posted by: ゆうき | 2006.03.13 at 20:02

ゆうきさんコメントありがとうございます(*´Д`)なかなか現状を打破するって勇気がいりますよね。人間は変化を怖れますからね・・・。正直今怖いです。でもこの怖れに立ち向かった先にはすんげぇものがあると思うんです。すんげぇ何かが。ゆうきさんもがんばってください(´∀`)

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